being an introvert, deep down

Be true to the I

About a month ago, I was having a breakdown.  Now that sounds pretty bad, but don’t worry, it’s not, I have them all the time.  I’ve survived every single one and I will continue to end up on top of all the future freak outs.  I’m just kind of an up and down person.  I go through even-keeled times too, but those aren’t nearly as interesting.  When I’m down, everything is horrible and terrible.  I’m like Eeyore and Alexander all rolled into one.  When I’m up, the world is beautiful and everything sparkles.  It’s awesome.

Tim, Luke and Jack are heros for putting up with me and loving me during all points of the roller coaster.  Tim gets the brunt of it and that makes me love him all the more.  Some times I feel guilty when I realize the boys are tip-toeing around me.  But then I push that away and tell myself that I’m just teaching them empathy and high level relational intelligence.  Riiiiiight.  Yesterday, I had to apologize to both Luke and Jack individually for being a total bitch to them.  I used other words, like grumpy and irritable, obviously, but they’re smart, they know bitchiness when they see it.  Hey, we must be good at teaching grace too because they both forgave me right away. << Awesome-Parenting-High-Five to Tim >>

Back to the breakdown.  I was laying on the living room floor crying.  Tim was patiently listening and talking me through it.  He gently suggested that the boys go upstairs to play legos or watch Clarence (the funniest cartoon EVER), because, oh my gosh, Mom’s crying, again.

When, the fog in my brain left, I was able to conclude that I was tired and overwhelmed and I didn’t want to hang out with all the people ever again.  And then, they way he always does at just the right time, Tim dropped his golden nugget of wisdom.

“You have to stay true to the eye.”

“Umm.  What?”  I mean, I realized my brain was in a fog and probably not functioning on all cylinders, but I wasn’t that confused.

“Not eye.  I.  The letter.  As in I for introvert.”

Ohhhh!  He suggested balancing the large social gatherings with things that fill me up.  You see, I’ve realized that I love hanging out with people, for short periods of time, in small groups or more likely, one on one.  Large groups leave me exhausted and irritable.  All the noise and business are overwhelming.  Sensory overload city.  When I have too many of those back to back, I’m not very nice, especially to those who live in the same house with me.  I find myself staying in the dark valleys longer when I haven’t had time to re-energize.

The other side of the coin is figuring out what does give me back my energy.  Time with just Tim or just the four of us does wonders.  Reading, working out, organizing my house, lounging on the couch with an old friend or texting one that lives way too far away.  Yesterday, after admitting that I was about to jump out of my skin with bitchiness, my wise friend told me to go get a coffee and donuts and just sit and read.  Donuts always help.  Writing on here helps too.  Thanks for listening.

Now the trick is realizing when my energy is nearing empty.  I haven’t quite figured that one out yet.  Self evaluation is hard for me.  Tim can usually see it coming before I do.  Sometimes he carefully suggests I spend some time to myself.  That’s risky for him though, because his head will most likely get bit off, velociraptor style.  I’m working on that, I promise.  Besides, every new day is fresh, just like Miss Shirley said.

Here we are looking super happy and perfect.

Because we’re like this all the time.  << eye roll >>

Leaving a Mark Photography didn’t have anything to do with it, of course.

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1 Comment

  • Reply Brenda April 20, 2017 at 10:34 pm

    You should read Quiet by Susan Cain.

    😉

    Actually, how well you know yourself and self-evaluate is an inspiration. I love the “stay true to the I.”

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