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marriage, Tim

For Tim

Because Valentine’s Day is tomorrow and he is my one and only Valentine.  Plus, who can resist publicly shouting out that I made out extremely well with him by my side.  He makes my crazy sane and my unintelligible legible.  I love you Sweetie, more today than all our yesterdays combined.  Our love is exponential.


Hey I heard you were a wild one
If I took you home
It’d be a home run
Show me how you do
I wanna shut down the club
With you
Hey I heard you like the wild ones
-Sia (Wild Ones)

You and me, we’ll shut down every club together.  That’s how we do.  We’ve been hitting home runs since day one.

When I first heard of you (yes, we girls like to talk) I was sitting on my bed, under a bug net, sweating in the Haitian heat.  We were countries apart, but you and me, we were tugging hard to get to each other.  “There’s a new boy in town back home.  I’ve heard he’s a wild one.”

You intrigued me and I hadn’t even met you.  Love had started to grow.   I was already fighting to stay on the path that led me to you.  You see, not many people know, but I’m a wild one too.

When we finally met, both of us knew, but neither would admit it.  These things take a while.  The YOU and ME were on our way to US, the way it was always supposed to be.  Us wild ones need to be together.  I’m the only one who gets you and you’re the only one who gets me.  Crazy, beautiful, wild ones, trying to keep each other sane.  Hey, I heard we are the wild ones, oooh.


being an introvert, marriage, parenting

At Top of the List

What do you do all day?

Remember how hypersensitive I am about this question?  I measure my own worth by how much I can get done.  My friend Val referred me to this article.  I loved it because it gave me a new perspective and validated my chosen occupation.

Back to the question at hand.  “What are you up to?”  “What are you doing?”  That’s often a normal first question on a regular check in phone call.  It’s a routine way to start an everyday conversation, but sometimes I panic a little when someone inquires about it. Is what I’m doing at that current moment productive?  What will it portray if I can’t come up with any tangible doing?  Will I get judged if I am truthful about the fact that I was just zoning out on Facebook or Instagram?  Will I get looked down upon if I say that I was just shooting the breeze with my family in the midst of an extremely dirty  house?  Will it sound lazy if I tell them that I was just lounging on my couch reading or binge watching a new tv show obsesson?

At the end of each day, I feel good if I have checked off at least ten chores.  Done.  Did it.  The more lines I scratch through tasks, the more awesomeness I achieve.  I’ve beat this day to a pulp and now I win.

But what I’m finding is that the more activities and assignments I plan to undertake each day, the less present I become in my own life.  I am less available to the people I love, to the people who need me.  I need those same people but I push them away in order to get all the things done.

Maybe I need to write, “Be present” at the top of my list each day.

But now, what does that look like?  This is a hard one.  I was always taught in teaching that your goals and objectives for your lesson plans need to be measureable.  How do you measure being there for someone?  How do you know if you have accomplished your end goal?  Maybe it’s looking Jack in the eyes when he’s telling me about his day, rather than half listening while I fold laundry.  Maybe it’s truly hearing Luke when he’s giving me a summary of the book he just finished.  Asking follow up questions to let him know that I really understand what he’s telling me, instead of, “Mmm hmmm…. sounds like a cool book,” while balancing the checkbook at the same time.  Maybe it’s putting off vacumming for another day so Tim and I can sit and chat during lunch in the rare quietness of our mid-day boy-free house.  Maybe it’s rescheduling the evening trip to the gym because it will interfere with family hangout time.

All those tasks and more still need to be done.  Some of them I need to do to stay sane and healthy so I can be a whole enough person to actually be in the moment.  But remember how great I am at multitasking? Remember the priorities I set earlier?  When I focus on getting that checklist scribbled on, when the dark, cross out lines are agressively promoting my worth, my priority list gets flip flopped.  Those things begin to rise above my people and that is not okay with me.

So, now I guess it’s on to the To-Do LIst for today:

1. Get this post written so it will be cemented into my brain.  For me, pencil on paper makes things more permanent.

2. Be present.  Just be there for those that I love.

3. If there is down time – take some “me” time without feeling guilty about it.

4. And then if there is time, and only after the above have taken place, eek out some teeny tiny chores.  But remember, if I get interrupted and my people need me, revert back to number two.

I’ll let you know how it goes.  I might fail and flop right on my face, but there’s always tomorrow to try again.

love, marriage

Thinking Out Loud

Whenever I hear a good love song, I can’t help it, I always imagine it’s Tim singing to me.  A few weeks ago, I found a new love song and now I’m obsessed with it.  The first time I heard it, I wasn’t really paying attention.  I thought, “Cool!  A new Ed Sheeran song. Nice.”  But then I started actually listening to the lyrics.  Right in between errands and picking the boys up from school I started bawling like a baby.  It was so sweet.  That Tim Pell, singing a song to me through the radio, sneaky bastard.


And I’m thinking ’bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways

Maybe just the touch of a hand


I know, Sweetie!  Our love is mysterious.  Keep singing.

After the initial listen, I kept hoping and wishing I would catch the radio station at the right time.  Always tearing up, while singing at the top of my lungs.  If anybody peeked into my dirt smudged windows, they might be a bit confused.  Granted, it has to be a strange sight at a stop light.  They might  be wondering why a crazy woman is yelling at nobody at the top of her lungs while crying.

Geez Lady, get a grip, mentally breakdown much?

Shut up, boring driver, my husband is singing to me.  Don’t ruin the moment.


Well, me-I fall in love with you every single day

And I just wanna tell you I am


You see, it might be Ed Sheeran singing, but all I hear is Tim serenading me.  He really does have a great British accent so my daydream is pretty realistic.  Tim’s my rock star.  He’s the Jay to my Bey and we’re crazy in love.

For our early gift this year, he got me the c.d.  We’re old school and he knew I could take my song obsession to a whole new level by listening to it on repeat all day long.  Old Blue’s c.d. player tends to overheat and scratch the c.d.s though.  And if I hear any sort of skip in song 11, she’ll be out of my good graces until I discover a new song to obsess over.  For now, I’ll be screaming,


But, Baby, now

Take me into your loving arms

Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars

-Tim Pell in the form of Ed Sheeran


And I’ll place my head on Tim’s beating heart.