marriage

Perfect Certainty

2002

Almost 15 years ago we stood here on this beach together, but not together of course, not yet.  I took so many side glances in your direction on that trip.  I was drawn to you from the start.  I still am.  Is it weird that I still get a rush when I sneak a peek at you 15 years later?  Even now, you are still drawing me in.  

 

When we walked that beach, I never dreamed it could be this good.  On that trip I hoped we would end up together and hoped you felt the same about me as I felt about you.  But this, what we have now, my brain couldn’t have handled it.  Our life isn’t perfect, that’s for sure.  If it was though, it wouldn’t be real.  I love this real life together.  It is perfect, even in the imperfection.  

 

Sometimes you say that I saved you.  I’m not sure if I’ll ever completely understand that because you are the strongest, bravest, most unconditionally loving being in all of time.  Why would you need to be saved by me?  Even if it is somehow true, there may have been selfish motives on my part.  I need you always.  Every minute of every day.  You make my crazy sane and you teach me what it means to fully love and fully be present.  I didn’t even know there was this thing called emotional intelligence before you.  And empathy has always been hard for me.  You show me everyday what it means to give the boys and I your all.  When I watch you, I learn how to be a better partner and parent.  If I really saved you all those years ago, you have saved me every day after.  

 

A lot has changed since we last stood on this beach.  Now our marriage is a teenager.  Those thirteen years went fast, didn’t they?  It seems like we were never not together.  Even now, thinking back to our trip here, how was it possible we stood on the sand just as friends?  I think we knew it wouldn’t stay that way.  It couldn’t.  Neither of us would have let US not happen.  

 

Now today, we get to watch the boys run and splash in the waves.  Two almost teenagers who certainly got the best of each of us.  Today, we get to be mesmerized by the same ocean and the same waves.  This time though, we get to turn our backs on those waves to walk into a life of certainty.  We walk off that beach hand in hand, with a certainty that we are better together.  We are certain that whatever comes at us doesn’t have a chance.  Certain that we don’t need a perfect life because we have each other.  That’s perfect enough for me.

 

Happy anniversary Sweetie.  I love you more today than all of the yesterdays combined.  

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